Snow in July
by Recode
Summary: [Deathfic] The ones we love, who loved us, will never truly leave us... YxS, RxS (one sided) - [Complete]
1. Snow in July

**Title:** Snow in July  
**Author:** Angel (angel predilection. o r g)  
**Website:** w w w. predilection . o r g **or** w w w . darkest–light . n e t  
**Pairings:** YukixShuichi (past), RyuichixShuichi (currently one-sided)  
**Disclaimer:** I wouldn't be writing this fanfic if Gravitation's mine, would I? Last time I checked, it certainly doesn't say 'Maki Murakami' on my birth certificate… So, there :P  
**A/N:** Forgive my grammar if it's bad. Note that English is not my mother tongue. Don't be mad at me for killing Yuki. I just feel like writing a sad story. There's already too many fics about Shuichi dying and I'm planning to write something alone those lines as well. So, I'll start with this. There will be a sequel to this story, "**Summer in Winter**". I'll finish it after the next chapter of "**And If The Sun Won't Shine…**" For now, R&R

A month had passed since the untimely death of the famous, award winning writer, Yuki Eiri. Fans had wept and grieved, feeling the loss of someone so talented. People wept for the words that shall never be written; for the cruelty of life. Yet, the one who was hurt the most was none other than the one who loved the writer most…

Shindou Shuichi…

Shuichi had not talked since the day his lover closed his eyes to never open them again. A month without his beloved Yuki was slowly eating him whole, and they feared for him. They feared him doing something as stupid as ending his own life just so he won't feel the pain anymore. Hiro had to force-feed him everyday. Tatsuha, Tohma and Mika had been paying him daily visits to pull him out of his state of extreme depression. Tatsuha even cried when he first saw the blank look on Shuichi's face, which the 16-year-old monk in training never before did. Mika wept in Tohma's arms when nothing they said or did succeeded in cheering the saddened vocalist up. All they wanted was for Shuichi to accept what happened and move on with his life.

And Shuichi hated them for that. No one understood his feelings. It felt as though all his efforts in the past had been in vain. They all knew what Shuichi and Yuki went through before peace in their relationship settled in. And now they wanted him to forget those? NO! So here he was, curled up in foetal position in the dark, deserted studio, facing the opened window. He hated the bright sky. How could it be so bright when his heart was being shredded into pieces, where it was deadly dark inside? June 20 was the date Shindou Shuichi would never ever forget as long as he was alive. A few months prior, Yuki had been diagnosed with leukaemia. After a month of finding the most suitable bone marrow to cure him, Yuki underwent the bone marrow transplant.

At the beginning, the surgery went terribly wrong with Yuki's heart almost failing thrice. Still, he managed to pull through. Everyone thought it was going to be fine onwards but little did they know, it was just the beginning of something more terrible. In less than 24 hours, the bone marrow that was supposed to save the writer's life started killing him instead. Anti-rejection drugs failed miserably. The few moments before Yuki had gone under the anaesthesia were forever printed in Shuichi's mind. The former had smiled, kissed him and repeatedly professed his love for him - that he loved Shuichi more than life itself. A month later, on June 20, Yuki died. He left all of his belongings in his lover's possession. But Shuichi didn't want those. He only wanted Yuki, his Yuki Eiri – Uesugi Eiri. Pained sobs shook the 22-year-old singer yet again as memories overcame him.

Just outside the studio, Sakuma Ryuichi leaned against the closed door, listening to Shuichi's lament. His usually childlike joy was no more – nor did the childish glint in his eyes. His precious Kumagorou was crushed under his embrace as he continued to listen to the heart-wrenching sobs emitted from the broken-hearted young man. It pained the older singer as well. A single tear trickled down his face without him knowing it. Slowly, he made his way towards a familiar door.

Tohma was not startled in the least to see Ryuichi coming into his office unannounced as such. His concern grew at the latter's expression. "What else do we do, Tohma?" He brokenly whispered, loud enough for both of them to hear. "What else can we do to bring back the old Shuichi?" Tohma slumped in his seat, burying his face in his hands. "We'll never understand his pain, Ryu. The least we could do was to be there for him. I told him that Eiri-san wouldn't want him to grieve like this but it just caused him to weep harder. The poor boy…" Ryuichi choked back a sob. "It hurt me to see him like this, Tohma… It really hurts me!"

Tohma looked up and managed a small smile. "You love him, don't you?" He rose from his seat and approached his long time friend. "You love him, Ryu." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

The superstar nodded his head, brushing back the strands of chestnut hair. "I'm surprised you haven't known that already, Tohma. I've been in love with him for years…" Tohma appeared to be thinking but the small smile on his face grew. "Then reach out to Shindou-san, Ryu. He needs someone to overcome his grief. It will take time but in the end, everything will turn out okay. Life isn't always cruel, after all. Also," Tohma paused to take a pink envelope with golden stripes out of his organiser, "I think it's about time I give Shindou-san this."

Ryuichi smiled. "I'll call Mika-san and Tatsuha-kun for you."

…………………………………………..

Hiro, Suguru, Sakano, K, Noriko, Tatsuha, Mika, Tohma and Ryuichi all stood in front of the door to the room in which Shuichi was still brokenly sobbing. Tohma opened the door and switched on the light. No one said anything. "Shindou-san," the keyboardist of the legendary Nittle Grasper called out. Shuichi looked up, wincing at the suddenly bright atmosphere. He was only a little surprised to see everyone there. "Minna-san…" Silently, Tohma handed him the pink envelope decorated with golden stripes with a smile. "Eiri-san wanted me to give this to you should anything happens to him. I didn't give you this until now because he asked me to give this to you at least a month after he…goes away." Shuichi took the envelope and just stared at it. He looked around.

"Open it," Mika and Tatsuha encouraged him. Ryuichi flopped down beside Shuichi and squeezed his shoulder, giving him more courage. Carefully, he opened the envelope to see what was inside. A pendant that held two golden rings fell out as Shuichi pulled a scented piece of folded paper from inside the envelope. The others just looked at him as he read every single word written by his deceased lover. Finished, he looked up to say something to Tohma but froze as his gaze fell upon the window – or better yet, what was outside the window. "Yuki…" He whispered. Everyone looked at him as if he'd gone crazy. Shuichi stood up abruptly and ran out of the studio, out of the building as fast as his feet could carry. The others, who turned to the window to see what could have made Shuichi acted like that, gasped in shock.

Snow!

Ryuichi took the fallen piece of paper and read the words written there for everyone to hear:

_Dearest Shuichi,_

_If you're reading this, that means I am no longer breathing. I'm sorry if my departure has caused you so much pain. Believe me, I never wished for something like this to befall us either. I bet whoever it is that drives the bus up there is thrilled by this._

_I wish I could turn back time. I wish I had never tried to run away from you when you reached out to me. All those days I spent glaring and shouting at you, I wish I could replace them with flowery confessions of love instead. I love you, Shuichi. I'll never stop loving you, even in the afterlife. You have changed me in so many ways I never thought was possible. Just when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life wallowing in self-pity all by myself, I saw you running to me. The cold words I said to you were just a cover-up for my feelings. You have great potential, Shu. Your talent never cease to amaze me. _

_Every time I hear you sing, I got lost in your voice. I feel the emotion you pour into your songs. You told me you sing for me – that I'm the reason for you to 'shine'. I'm forever touched by you, my dearest Shuichi. You gave me a meaning in life. I spend everyday of my life thinking about you, remembering the days we spent together. I'm sorry for all the tears you shed because of me. _

…………………………………………..

Outside, Shuichi looked up to the sky in wonder. He ran through the crowd to the only place he could think of.

The park – where he first met Yuki.

In no time, his friends ran after him just after Ryuichi finished Yuki's letter.

…………………………………………..

_Please don't cry, Shuichi. It pains me to see you cry. It pains me even more that I won't be there to wipe your tears away. Did I tell you how much I love your smile? Your joyful nature, your laughter and your smile are what kept me whole. I want to thank you for all the good times that you gave to me. Thank you for all the beautiful memories you provided me._

_Give yourself a chance to love again and give another a chance to love you. Don't make the same mistake I made years ago. Try to accept the one who wishes to love you. You won't be betraying me, Shuichi. I wanted to see you happy. I wish there is someone out there who can make you happy. When you have found that person, give him or her one of the two rings I left you. If he or she accepts it when he or she knows the origin of the ring, then you'll know he/ she's the one for you. Try, at least in honour of my memories._

…………………………………………..

The park was covered in white. Tohma had to support Mika as his wife started crying silently. Tatsuha wiped the tears forming at the corner of his eyes. K, Sakano and Noriko were looking around in amazement. Hiro and Suguru looked at one another and smiled, looking over to where Shuichi was standing while Ryuichi…Ryuichi was looking up to the sky, a couple drops of tears fell from his bright eyes. "Yuki-san is here for Shuichi."

It was July - Summer. Everyone was surprised to see white, fluffy snowflakes falling gracefully from the sky to the earth below. With the snowflakes were also tiny drops of rain and cool, gentle breeze. Shuichi ran around in circle, tears running down his face but the difference this time was that…

He was smiling.

Shuichi was laughing and crying at the same time.

"YUKI!!" He shouted.

…………………………………………..

_Thank you for being there for me, Shuichi. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for bringing light into my darkened world. Thank you for everything. Know that I will always love you, no matter where I'll be. When I die, I wish I'd become the wind, the rain and the snow. Before I go, I want you to know:_

_When it rains, know that those are my tears,  
letting you know how much I miss you,  
and that I'm still by your side…_

_When the wind blows, know that those are my whispers,  
my arms embracing you close;  
letting you know that I will always stay by your side,  
and that I'm still there with you…_

_And when it snows, know that those are my kisses,  
my confessions of undying love;  
letting you know that I will always love you  
and that I'm still there for you  
because the snow, the rain and the wind,  
they're all me…._

_With this, my last, I say this much. Till we meet again, Shuichi. For now, goodbye my love._

_Forever loving you,_

_Uesugi Eiri aka Yuki Eiri._

…………………………………………..

"YUKI!!" Again, Shuichi yelled to the sky. He could feel the snow, the drops of rain and the blowing wind. Yuki was still there for him… He held the pendant close to his heart and yelled again, "YUKI!"

…………………………………………..

_When it rains, know that those are my tears,  
letting you know how much I miss you,  
and that I'm still by your side…_

_When the wind blows, know that those are my whispers,  
my arms embracing you close;  
letting you know that I will always stay by your side,  
and that I'm still there with you…_

…………………………………………..

That day was the day Shuichi learned to smile again.

That day was the day Sakuma Ryuichi swore by the name of Yuki Eiri to always be there for Shuichi.

And so the snow in July will forever be engraved in their hearts until the very end.

…………………………………………..

_And when it snows, know that those are my kisses,  
my confessions of undying love;  
letting you know that I will always love you  
and that I'm still there for you…  
_…………………………………………..

"YUKI!!!"

…

…

…

"_Shuichi…"_

…………………………………………..

…_that I'm still by your side._

…………………………………………..

"_Shuichi…I love you."_

…………………………………………..

…_because the snow, the rain and the wind  
they're all me…._

…………………………………………..

((La Fin ))

Sniff… Believe it or not, I DO cry when I write and re-read this fic. So, reviews?? Pwetty pwease???


	2. From The Eyes of The Lost One

**SNOW IN JULY**

_From The Eyes of the Lost One_  
(A companion piece to the previous chapter)

……………………………………………………………………………………

Sometimes, things aren't always what they seem. Just when I thought I am going to be growing old by my beloved's side, Fate decided to play tricks on us. I was cursed with leukaemia, the blood cancer that managed to force my life out of my body. I felt so helpless when I first realised that I'm dead. I don't feel sad for myself, though. It's my beloved that I'm worrying about.

Shuichi…

He has not talked since my funeral. His tears never seem to stop flowing. It pains me to see him so sad. I so wish to wipe the tears off his face - to tell him that everything's going to be okay. Yet, my hands go right through him when I try to hold him. It's summer. The sun is smiling down on us. My Shuichi glares at the sun, as if saying how much he hates the sunbeam. He is sitting in the deserted studio alone, crying – again. It's been a month now. I'm afraid he's going to try to do something stupid. As much as I want to be with him again, I want him to go on living. After all, happiness is only reserved for the living.

I see Sakuma Ryuichi leaning against the door to the studio. He is listening to my Shuichi's pained sobs. I notice he is also crying silently, hugging his stuff bunny tightly to his chest. I can't help but smile. Ryuichi, my Shuichi's long time idol – his music God, is crying for him. I know now that the superstar is in love with my beloved. There is something in his eyes that I recognise because that something once belonged to me as well. Maybe he can heal my Shuichi. Maybe he can make Shuichi happy again…

Then he goes away. I do not follow because I want to be with Shuichi. Sure, it pains me to see his tears but I'm selfish. I want to be near him before I go, even though he cannot see me. In less than an hour, the door creaked open to reveal Tohma, Mika, Tatsuha, Ryuichi, Nakano, Fujisaki, Noriko-san, K-san and Sakano-san. I immediately recognise the envelope in Tohma's hand. He hands it to Shuichi, who reads my goodbye letter word-by-word. The look of pain suddenly vanishes from his face. I am now crying as he continues reading. I just wish I could hold him. To my surprise, little snowflakes start falling down. There are also tiny drops of rains amidst the falling snow. Shuichi sees this too. He runs out of the building, looking around in wonder.

I feel so calm all of a sudden. It is like I am part of the snow, the rain and the wind. I've always wished to become the three little wonders when I'm dead. I bet my wishes are now granted. I look at my Shuichi. He runs to the park where we first met, with the others in tow. My Shuichi calls out my name repeatedly.

He is laughing, but there are tears running down his face as well. His laughter is so beautiful. I want to keep his voice in my mind, my heart and my soul forever. Then he yells my name again. I smile bitterly. The tears are running freely down my cheek now. The rain gets a little harder.

"Shuichi…" I whisper, knowing full well that he cannot hear me. The wind around him blows harder. I watch him running around in circle, looking sad and happy altogether. I couldn't help but smile. I remember the parting words I wrote for him, the one he read a few moments before:

_When it rains, know that those are my tears,  
letting you know how much I miss you,  
and that I'm still by your side…_

_When the wind blows, know that those are my whispers,  
my arms embracing you close;  
letting you know that I will always stay by your side,  
and that I'm still there with you…_

_And when it snows, know that those are my kisses,  
my confessions of undying love;  
letting you know that I will always love you  
and that I'm still there for you  
_

_because the snow, the rain and the wind,  
they're all me…._

With tears in my eyes, I blow him a kiss.

"Shuichi…I love you."

And more snowflakes fall.

((La Fin ))

One POV down, one more to go XD!

Thank you for reviewing the first, original chapter. I love you guys, mmmwah!!!


	3. From The Eyes of The Loving Soul

**SNOW IN JULY**

_From The Eyes of the Loving Soul _  
(A companion piece to the previous chapters)

_……………………………………………………………………………………_

They always see me as the cheerful, overgrown child whose best friend is a pink stuff bunny. They say it's hard for people to not love me. But they don't know the fact that I have never been blessed with love: romantic love. I thought I would never know what loving someone feels like but when I first met Shindou Shuichi, I was bedazzled by his vitality. A feeling unknown to me before started to linger in my heart. It took me a while before realising that I have fallen in love with him. Let me tell you the truth, I never once thought of stealing him from Yuki-san. I respect their feelings for one another. Honestly, I have never seen a love as strong as theirs. Shuichi never stopped pursuing Yuki-san even though the latter pushed him away countless of time. I should be angry with Yuki-san but I didn't. I somehow knew he was doing it to protect Shuichi.

But now Yuki-san is truly gone.

I love Shuichi with all my heart. That's why it pains me to listen to his mournful sobs. Here I am, leaning against the closed door that leads to my love's broken cries. He cries brokenly and I feel so hopeless. If I could, I would bring Yuki-san back from the dead just to see Shu-chan smile again. I can't stand his cries. Something inside of me shatters and before I know it, drops of tears make their way down my cheek as I clutch Kumagorou to my chest. I run to Tohma's office and we talk. He asks me – no, he tells me he knows I'm in love with Shuichi. My long time friend smiles and encourages me to reach out for Shu-chan. He then shows me a pretty envelope, a goodbye letter Yuki-san wrote prior to his death. When Tohma goes to find K-san, Nakano-san, Fujisaki-san and Sakano-san, I call Tatsuha-kun and Mika-san. They need to be there when Shuichi reads the letter. If we can't save him, we can at least comfort him.

When everything is ready, we approach Shuichi. I take a seat beside him and squeeze his shoulder to comfort him. I let him read the letter but I don't peer at its content. Then he suddenly looks up and freezes He says "Yuki" and my comforting hand freezes. Is he hallucinating? But when I look up, my eyes widen. Snow! The snow was falling! It's impossible. It's Summer. How could snow fall in summer? Shuichi runs out and I took the fallen piece of paper. I read it for everyone to hear. We are all amazed when we read the last few words:

_When it rains, know that those are my tears,  
letting you know how much I miss you,  
and that I'm still by your side…_

_When the wind blows, know that those are my whispers,  
my arms embracing you close;  
letting you know that I will always stay by your side,  
and that I'm still there with you…_

_And when it snows, know that those are my kisses,  
my confessions of undying love;  
letting you know that I will always love you  
and that I'm still there for you  
because the snow, the rain and the wind,  
they're all me…._

I know it doesn't make sense but I just know it. Yuki-san is here. I run after Shuichi and Tohma-tachi follows me. People on the street are amazed by the falling snow. Shuichi runs around the park where he first met Yuki-san in circles. He shouts Yuki-san's name again and again. He cries but his cries now do not bring pain to my heart. It's happy, bittersweet cry. He cries and laughs at the same time. I look up to the sky in wonder. I feel the wind, the snow and tiny drops of rain fall onto me. More of them fall down and I smile. A couple drops of tears find their way down my cheek. "Yuki-san is here for Shuichi." That's all I can say.

As I look at Shuichi, I decide I want to see him smile and laugh like that all the time. I will never be able to replace Yuki-san but I can try to make new memories and open a new book of life with him. Looking up at the sky again, I make a promise, a vow by the name of Yuki-san. I will always be there for Shuichi; to protect him, to love him and to support him.

Maybe I was imagining things. Maybe I was dreaming but I swear I hear a soft voice that sounds like Yuki-san whispering:

"_Shuichi…I love you."_

Then again, Yuki-san is here now, isn't he?

((La Fin ))

Okay, that was crappy. Still, reviews anyone?? I'm off to finish '**Two Ryuichi and A Kumagorou'**, '**Summer in Winter**' and '**And If The Sun Won't Shine'**. See you guys later!


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